Wish I could remember/Wish I could forget

Wish I could remember
the soft strokes of
my mother’s fingers
in my hair.

Wish I could forget
his hands,
strong as a tree trunk
But not so friendly, or kind.

Wish I could remember
The way you looked,
at the moon; and me.
And joked just to hear me laugh.

Wish I could forget,
the day you made me cry
like everything we had built
had fallen apart.

Wish I could remember
The pixies I would look for
Out in the garden, after
every Enid Blyton story.

Wish I could forget
The demons that I found
When looking for pixies
didn’t go so well.

Wish I could remember
the cracks in your voice;
and the way you look
when you read.

Wish I could forget
that I know how you look
when you are angry
or sad.

Wish I could remember
the way my best friend said
that I was the best thing
to ever happen to mankind.

Wish I could forget
the morning we both cried
Fighting, pain and cruelty.
And the desire to stop.

Wish I could remember
the patterns on your palms
Of lines that I simply
could not count.

Wish I could forget
the wounds on my palms
Picking pieces of broken glass.
Will you just stop loving me one day?

Wish I could remember
what not knowing felt like
why is wisdom
so painful to gain?

Wish I could forget
The never-ending coldness
of hearts that proved to me
how I could not save them, with my love.

Wish I could remember
The words of prayer, that you
whispered for me today
With tears in your eyes.

Wish I could forget
The terrifying things
that my mind screams at me
About the universe, and you.

For us,
everything hangs in the balance.
But high above in the stars
Someone is waiting
for us to just look up.

“Imaan, Umeed aur Mohabbat”

Pehle imaan phir imaan se umeed aur umeed se mohabbat.

Kahin parha tha ke muhabbat insan ko Khuda tak lejati hai- na mile tab bhi, mil jaye tab bhi. Lekin ye na bataya ke jab apni khud gharz se khud gharz mohabbaton mai bhi Khuda nazar anay lage, tou samajh jao ke khalqat nahi, Khaliq se dil jorr liya hai.

Kaaba ke darwazay pe bethe hum, ankhen kia poora wujood ashkbaar! Aur wujood ke har zarre se aik hi naam ki awaz aye, goya zindagi dour khari mazak urra rahi ho, ke bolo! Maang lo usay? Is se ziada Khuda ke aur kia kareeb hona? Lekin zaat aur zaban ne wujood ki aik na suni. Wohi multazim, wohi ansoo, wohi hum. Par naam na liya. Keh diya Khuda se ke jo Apko behtareen lagay wo ata karden. Ab maaddi cheezon ka kia? Koi farq nahi parta.

Shayad dil mai mohabbat Khuda hi daalta hai isi liye ehsas hota hai ke agar Khuda chahe tou aik nahi, das baar mohabbat chor den. Apne toote huay tukron aur jurri hui izzat ko le ke wahin ja bethen. Usi ke dar pe. Aur phir ro ro ke kahen, “sirf Allah, sirf Allah, sirf Allah!” Ab koi bulaaye zindagi ko tou hum bhi ankhon mai ankhen daal kar poochen, ke dekh, ay haqeer o na cheez, dekh! Yehi hai na wo imaan jiska tu ne imtehan lena tha? Ab jis imaan ki bina par hum saari dunya mai naak charhaye phirte hain, dekhen bhi tou sahi ke kia hai us imaan ki taaqat?!

Jab mohabbat sachi hoti hai tou Khuda se dour nahi le jati. Khuda hi ki taraf se tou dil mai utri hoti hai, kabhi azmaish tou kabhi sukun ban kar. Tou le le tu imtehan, jitna lena hai. Dekh lena, jeet hamesha imaan ki hi hogi. Chahe hanste muskurate ya kaleja kaat kar, hum imaan ko nahi haarne denge.

Ab zindagi hi nahi, mohabbat bhi dekhe gi, ke mohabbat ki kese jati hai.


Hello everyone!  I hope you liked that. It had been long since I wrote in Urdu so I personally enjoyed this post a lot! I would like to give a shout out to Shoaib whose Urdu prose series, one of my most favourite things ever written, is the major inspiration for the style of writing here (although this hasn’t even come close to his level).

Have a lovely day, week, month and life. Until next time! ^-^