Part 3 of “The Purge” series
For days when your heart does not remember
How to be a giant slaying warrior
walking in slow-mo into battle
Like Wonder Woman-
in No Man’s Land;
For days when the nightmare that woke you up
wakes up with you
It smiles, leaning against the kitchen counter
In a bathrobe, sipping coffee
As you stand there hating yourself
for what you’ve just done;
For days when the day
feels too long to live through;
Put your hand over your heart and say,
“Slow down, cowboy!”
It has just realized that it is too big
to be caged inside your body.
“Or maybe, your body is just too small!”
Give it a smile.
Say, “I love you.”
Hold it close and tuck it in,
into the comfiest comfort blanket you own…
And stand still.
Even when needles start climbing up your back
saying how you are worth nothing, if you do not move:
“If you do not move, you are worth nothing!”
Just stand still.
Let the world be itself.
It is okay to stop fighting
You know, depression does not come easy.
It comes, after you have been stabbed
192 times in your gut,
only to pull open the stitches.
And the pills,
they make you feel like you’re lying to yourself.
And the people,
they ask on your good days:
“Did you take an extra dose of your mood elevators?”
These are my own endorphins.
I know how to make them.
And sometimes you want to
Step 1: Throw up and cry
Step 2: Fail at the throwing up part
Step 3: Just cry;
For one moment!
Breathe it all in.
Breathe in the scents
of flowers that go to sleep with the sun,
coming from beyond your walls of sadness.
Open the door.
Walk two steps outside;
And stand still.
Breathe in the beautiful songs
of birds who, too, have not yet found their way back home.
Breathe in the dancing river
that, also, does not know how to be steady
Even as it stands still.
So breathe in,
The dragon with enormous wings
Soaring through the sky-
if that is who you are in your dreams.
Because your heart, too,
is a masterpiece!
It does not have to find home…
It will grow one.