“Just a Little More”

​You ask me why I don’t get angry?

It’s because I’ve watched my world burn

To ashes and smoke

Over and over and over again

And I’ve washed the blood trails

Of my wounds

Left on the flowers on my shirt

With my own hands

And I’ve lost my brother

To his hatred of another

And in any love they give

There is none left as mine

And I’ve loved those

Who broke me from up close

And yet I still love

With as fierce a love as any

That could survive being blown up

In landmines; maybe in this faded love

There is more strength

Than the love that allows free taking

As if divine

And with every passing year

I’ve paid for their sins

With my honour and shame, and

A streak of heartbreaks

And trust broken.

 

So don’t ask me why I don’t get angry

Because I am angry

Maybe just starting to be

Or maybe I’ve been

For a long time

But I have been hurt too

And moved

And awed

And loved

And celebrated

And pushed to the brink of survival

From where only my miracles could get me back

And how they did.

Oh, how they did!

So maybe I am burnt

And very much so,

But I am also reborn

My spirit, rekindled

And if my love can survive landmines

Then mere anger, holds no chance

I am going to try

Until it bends before me

And turns into determination

And fierce as it may be

It will be called mine.

And I’m going to hold on

“Just a little more”,

A thousand more times.


Hello everyone! I hadn’t written here in a long time because I think I was not brave enough to accept some things. I hope that this piece of spoken word poetry (arguably the most unapologetic kind of poetry) makes up for that. And I hope you liked it! 🙂

Advertisements

“The stories in the sky”

moon-rainbow-sky-art-cred-Favim.com-3154717

The sky was dark blue like the bruises on my heart, but it was not scarred. Didn’t He ask us to look up and see if we could find any cracks in it?
And the sky was purple with shades of pink and I wonder if it’s alright to say I was reminded of blueberry ice cream but that’s irrelevant because the world turned and turned again, as we spoke.
And soon it was light blue, like the ocean that I witnessed. And it was only Al Mussawir (The Artist) that could create such a spectacular master piece where the highest sky and the lowest sea met and embraced each other as if one.
And then a tinge of orange, that was rising from the East. It spread slowly, inspiring the birds to start flying with it. And they sung the merriest songs and I, much like William Wordsworth, could not help but stop to listen and get lost in them.
And the sky was then yellow, like fire that eats up everything in its path; and so did the sunlight as it shone upon all that the eye could see.
And then the sky turned orange once more. But now it was sinking, like my hopes did and I was terrified of losing all the light that I had before.
And soon came the light blue, as I bid farewell to what I loved. We were warned that everything except Him has an ending, but we forgot Him and remembered everything else.
And the sky was purple again and again the pink streaks ran through it, reminding me to not believe in the absoluteness of anything I could see because my eye could be deceived very easily, if my heart lost track. “It is not the eyes that are blind, but the hearts”, He said.
And now I stood enveloped by an endless dark blue, and all I had was the pieces of my heart and an abyss to gaze into.
But then something twinkled. I saw a star, and then a hundred more. And I looked down and the world glowed. The tears in my eyes became diamonds, reflecting the light of the moon, reflecting the light of the sun, reflecting the light of my Lord.
And He smiles down at me, as the universe echoes, “Verily, with hardhsip comes ease.” He said He is with the patient ones, and now I see. My broken heart feels more complete than the one inside the chest of the man who has everything.
And to the quietness of the night, I carry this heart, with some blueberry ice cream and the feeling of waves touching my ankles. In the brilliance of constellations that tell me stories about how His mercy outweighs His wrath; I find myself, right in the middle of the embrace between the black sky and the black sea.
Now don’t you ever think that you’ve been left alone. He loves you too much for that.

Wish I could remember/Wish I could forget

Wish I could remember
the soft strokes of
my mother’s fingers
in my hair.

Wish I could forget
his hands,
strong as a tree trunk
But not so friendly, or kind.

Wish I could remember
The way you looked,
at the moon; and me.
And joked just to hear me laugh.

Wish I could forget,
the day you made me cry
like everything we had built
had fallen apart.

Wish I could remember
The pixies I would look for
Out in the garden, after
every Enid Blyton story.

Wish I could forget
The demons that I found
When looking for pixies
didn’t go so well.

Wish I could remember
the cracks in your voice;
and the way you look
when you read.

Wish I could forget
that I know how you look
when you are angry
or sad.

Wish I could remember
the way my best friend said
that I was the best thing
to ever happen to mankind.

Wish I could forget
the morning we both cried
Fighting, pain and cruelty.
And the desire to stop.

Wish I could remember
the patterns on your palms
Of lines that I simply
could not count.

Wish I could forget
the wounds on my palms
Picking pieces of broken glass.
Will you just stop loving me one day?

Wish I could remember
what not knowing felt like
why is wisdom
so painful to gain?

Wish I could forget
The never-ending coldness
of hearts that proved to me
how I could not save them, with my love.

Wish I could remember
The words of prayer, that you
whispered for me today
With tears in your eyes.

Wish I could forget
The terrifying things
that my mind screams at me
About the universe, and you.

For us,
everything hangs in the balance.
But high above in the stars
Someone is waiting
for us to just look up.

“HOME”

(Disclaimer: Not a traditional poem but I think it’s closer to the spoken word poetry category)


“HOME”

Decade, upon decade; I tell fate
Being loved by strangers catches me off guard,
Surprises me- “Is this what it is supposed to feel like?”
Is it really like they show in the movies?
Sisters, brothers, fathers and mothers
Is home really just people, who know and even care
about which side of the bed you like most.

Oh, I wouldn’t know, so don’t ask me how.
The only home that I have ever felt
lives outside of my house.
Out there, separated; from my blood.
Because on the genetic code map in these cells,
somehow, home was never marked.

I am sorry, dear home, for getting scared so easily
Not knowing where to go when you are not in my sights.
For I am still learning, how to receive all this love
that you so freely give me
As though I am actually as amazing as you say.

I try to hold on to the little amount these walls taught
Here, love was hiding and shutting up.
But then again, you are not like these walls.
You are kinder and you care.
You actually know which side of the seat I like most,
and how I sleep talk or “sleep type” sometimes.

I chuckle, and then sigh as I walk back inside
and these walls are still as cruel as before I met you.
I’m about to whisper to fate:
“Please make this stop, before I forget how to give love too.”
But I don’t, I can’t.
Cause you’re looking right at me
Smiling across the room.

And we both know, we finally understand
this is what home feels like.

“MIRACLES”

Miracles are not always loud and close.

Not always mountains that crumble to the ground
or ships that sail with high winds against them.

No, no, no.

In all actuality, miracles are often found
sipping coffee in the background
as you scream and fight with your fate.

They are waiting for you to stop for a moment and look around.

And many a times, they come to you
but you are too large-eyed to look at something that seems so small.

Your belittling drives them away.

But friend, if only you knew how many miracles touched you
on just how many rainy days;

you would not have been feeling so alone.
There just was no way.


Somewhat poetic, somewhat random. Mostly just fragments from a coffee-driven brain. ^-^ Hope you liked it!