The last part of The Purge Series. This took me a long time to write because my body was physically hurting as I let go of all this, as I purged myself of the last and the most difficult thing holding me back- the enablers of abuse aka my adults. I want to be free. And after this, I hope I am.
Thank you all for sticking with me through this. I appreciate you more than you can ever know. ❤
He wrote his name in my blood
and you yelled at me for being hurt
Just 4 years old
I learnt the taste of his blow
before I could learn to write a eulogy
for all the dreams I used to have
and all the broken pieces of my spirit
scattered all over my own home
You told me to forgive him
Taught me how God’s good people give out chances
like free candy, I gave out my peace and dignity
letting him hurt me
And you said to love him more
I loved myself less and less
Every time I called you my best friend,
you brought him in to help tie me down
Because you could never figure out
just how to keep me close
The chains burned my ankles
You were not there to soothe me
And in my misery,
I ran to you each time you were hurt
by the same demons I begged you to lock up
All I wanted was to do something right,
for once in your life!
But you said I was just like him.
And I came back,
wounds still fresh
No band-aids left.
They say blood runs thicker than water;
well my blood fills up my lungs till there is no air left in them.
Then you bang on the door
Telling me to get up when I faint on the floor.
He has used me up
worn me out till it couldn’t ache anymore
I hope you are ready
’cause now he wants you devoured,
beaten and broken down, just like me.
And here you are again
calling out my name
You are losing your mind,
but he has just begun.
Don’t you look through the glass door
My walls won’t let you inside anymore
I cannot keep looking after
and the mess you’ve made
My heart is still a little girl
I won’t let you overshadow her,
She needs me to hold her
to be what you never were
and it’s time for you,
to grow up.