“UNDONE”

I held a little red brick
In my little kid arms
And I walked on, miles
till the sun came down.
And I did this for days
little labour it looked like
that a little kid bore
But I built a palace
like never seen before.
Then one night came spring
It knocked on the gate
I welcomed it in
But it left the next day.
And I glanced up at the tower
Where I’d lived so long
And what fell in my feet
Was a little red brick.
One by one
they tumbled down
And the walls of my palace,
like broken doors now.
To the gardens I ran,
only to find
that little red dewdrops
now covered the green.
Confused and disheartened,
I turned around
Glanced at my chest,
and pain I found
Flowing in the form
of a swift red river.

The “dewdrops” had not come from the sky
And the bricks had not fallen from the towers
But my castle had crumbled down
And my blood had washed it away;
Just little red bricks
In a swift red river;
Leading into an endless sea.

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“WUJOOD AUR ZAAT”

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Wujood ko tou sirf mohabbat karna ata hai. Ishq? Ishq tou zaat karti hai. Isi liye jab rooh Khuda ke paas jaye, tou wujood ko dunya mai chor ke jati hai. Kyunke wujood dunya ka hissa hai, yaheen bheja gaya, yaheen kaam aya aur yaheen mitti mai mil gaya. Hisab tou zaat ka hoga. Aur yoon, jo wujood ki chahaton ka ghulam hua, samjho wo nakaam thehra. Aur jis ne zaat paa li, usne ishq kiya. Aur yehi ishq usay Khuda ki mohabbat ka haqdaar bana deta hai.

Ye theek hai ke Khuda ke ilawa kisi se ishq nahi kiya ja sakta, lekin ye bhi sach hai ke agar insan dunya ki mohabbat Khuda ke ishq ke wajib karda usoolon aur aqaid se chaanne ya guzaarne ke baad kare; tou beshak Khuda us mohabbat ko bhi ishq jesa mazboot bana deta hai, aur ishq jesa sukun bakhsh. Gharz ye ke jab jab tumhe izterab mehsoos ho, tou samjho sirf mohabbat hai. Aur jab jab sukun milay, tou samajh jao ke ishq hai. Aur agar usay kho dene ka dar lagay, tou phir, sirf mohabbat hai. Aur agar andha aitemaad ho, tou ishq.

Par insaan siyah aur safaid par nahi chalta. Insan tou dono ka milaap hai. Insan bhool hai. Insan tauba hai. Bas jab mohabbat ho, tou wujood ki chahat maan ke tauba karo. Aur jab ishq ho, tou uske imtehanon ke liye tayyar raho; sajde ki talwaar aur dua ki dhaal samait, datt jao. Kyunke jo tum kehte phiro ge, Khuda uska imtehan zaroor le ga. Ye tou sadiyon pehle bata diya tha Us ne. (Surah Ankabut, ayah 2-3)

Ishq ka pehla qadam tawakkul hota hai, yaani yaqeen. Aur har mushkil mai sabse ziada isi ka imtehan leta hai Khuda. Isi tarah tou wo munaafiqat ko haq se, aur wujood ko zaat se alag karke dikhata hai.

Kayi baar, tumhare ishq ko wujood lalkaare ga. Kayi baar tum wujood ki maan bhi lo ge. Lekin gir ke sambhalna hi imaan ka suboot hai. Ahista Ahista, tumhare wujood ko zaat zaroor mil jayegi.

“Weeps December”

Weeps my heart and weeps December

I hope that you will always remember 

The pearl you held in your palm, white

Back when our fire burned bright

I wonder when it burned us both

Ought to give warmth, but turned us both

Into strangers, running on parallel paths

Through the moon’s eclipse and the night’s wrath

Oh when will the stars come out again?

Oh when will the dawn of hope begin? 

I will meet you then, at the first sunrise

Where the abyss collides with paradise

I’ll show my book of adventures to you

And you’ll find your home, with my chaos too

’til it’s calm like the breeze your soul brings 

And we shall be made of beautiful things

But first, oh love, we must get through

The trials fate birthed, maybe to prove

The strength of our faith in what we hold

How brave we are and just how bold

Let the season weep! We shall endure

In the end, our hearts will have only loved more.


(Fun fact: I came up with the first verse of this poem 8 months ago, in December; and didn’t want to change that just now when I wrote the rest of it. Hope you liked it! :))

“The stories in the sky”

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The sky was dark blue like the bruises on my heart, but it was not scarred. Didn’t He ask us to look up and see if we could find any cracks in it?
And the sky was purple with shades of pink and I wonder if it’s alright to say I was reminded of blueberry ice cream but that’s irrelevant because the world turned and turned again, as we spoke.
And soon it was light blue, like the ocean that I witnessed. And it was only Al Mussawir (The Artist) that could create such a spectacular master piece where the highest sky and the lowest sea met and embraced each other as if one.
And then a tinge of orange, that was rising from the East. It spread slowly, inspiring the birds to start flying with it. And they sung the merriest songs and I, much like William Wordsworth, could not help but stop to listen and get lost in them.
And the sky was then yellow, like fire that eats up everything in its path; and so did the sunlight as it shone upon all that the eye could see.
And then the sky turned orange once more. But now it was sinking, like my hopes did and I was terrified of losing all the light that I had before.
And soon came the light blue, as I bid farewell to what I loved. We were warned that everything except Him has an ending, but we forgot Him and remembered everything else.
And the sky was purple again and again the pink streaks ran through it, reminding me to not believe in the absoluteness of anything I could see because my eye could be deceived very easily, if my heart lost track. “It is not the eyes that are blind, but the hearts”, He said.
And now I stood enveloped by an endless dark blue, and all I had was the pieces of my heart and an abyss to gaze into.
But then something twinkled. I saw a star, and then a hundred more. And I looked down and the world glowed. The tears in my eyes became diamonds, reflecting the light of the moon, reflecting the light of the sun, reflecting the light of my Lord.
And He smiles down at me, as the universe echoes, “Verily, with hardhsip comes ease.” He said He is with the patient ones, and now I see. My broken heart feels more complete than the one inside the chest of the man who has everything.
And to the quietness of the night, I carry this heart, with some blueberry ice cream and the feeling of waves touching my ankles. In the brilliance of constellations that tell me stories about how His mercy outweighs His wrath; I find myself, right in the middle of the embrace between the black sky and the black sea.
Now don’t you ever think that you’ve been left alone. He loves you too much for that.

“!جان” (Know!)

Reblogging because Ramadan is near and I am so excited!! May Allah shower His blessings upon us all. 🙂

GIRL WITH THE GREEN BOOK

تو اگر جان لیتا کہ خدا تیرے لئے کیا کچھ کرتا ہے
!تو سجدے میں ایسا گرتا کے مرنے کے بعد ہی اٹھایا جاتا

Kafan mai lipta hua tera chehra muskuraata; ke “Dekh! Dekh aye khuda! Mai Tere ehsaano ka kuch haq ada tou na karsaka lekin koshish mai saari zindagi bita di.”

Magar tu tou ghafil raha hai.

Hamesha se, aur hamesha ke liye. Khuda ne tujh ko ghaltiyon ka putla banaya, tujhe azmaane ke liye. Ye dekhne ke liye ke kab kab tu hazaaron cheekhti chillati awazon ke beech apni rooh ki awaz ko sun paaye ga. Un ehsaano ko yaad kar paaye ga, jo Wo tujh pe karta hai.

Wo chahta tou teri jahaalat dekh kar tujh ko is zameen mai mila deta, jo din raat Uske hukum se tere pairon ke neeche thehri bethi hai.

Wo chahta tou tera taghaful dekhta, aur aik awaz pe ye asmaan…

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A Tribute to Maybes

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Credits: Candle Noel Cranston

Maybe you make messiahs out of people because you do not want to be the one responsible when the world comes crashing down, and you don’t want to be alone.

Maybe it is okay to not help but start welling up when someone speaks too loud; like each wave of vibration from their voice causes an earthquake inside your skin and bones.

Maybe it is fine to miss people who went back to Allah too soon. Maybe it is just selfishness to miss them if they were here you could ask them for help and advice but maybe that’s okay. Maybe some people are sent only to give you, and not to love you and stay.

But maybe you are stronger than you think. You chose the difficult roads with big rewards at the end. For instance, If I hadn’t moved to a different country, back to where I never felt like I belonged, away from my parents and my little sister and the long drives at night; then how would I have met my best friend who changed my life? How would I have learnt to handle everything on my own, from finances to health and education, to official government procedures to fit into this new place? How would I know how “Veronica Decides to Die” can lead to whispering to myself, “I want to fight on for the better things ahead.”

Maybe the heaps of love you have in your heart for other people, makes being tortured and alone and sick, all worth it? And maybe the time of sickness is now gone, maybe now is the time for the sun to come up? Maybe having a dark past is alright, because of all the light it gave birth to, inside your chest, that now ruminates everywhere… And people think it is your smile that’s contagious.

Maybe it is okay to put flowers in your hair, because who cares if you world came tumbling down yesterday, let’s just sit and breathe the evening air and feel good. Because man, are you a badass! Maybe your hands tremble, maybe you cannot speak, or breathe or stand up sometimes; but hasn’t the frequency of such episodes decreased?

And maybe it is okay to be a tad bit super proud of yourself, for all that you’ve accomplished. Because maybe no one else could have done it like you.