“BLOOD.”

The last part of The Purge Series. This took me a long time to write because my body was physically hurting as I let go of all this, as I purged myself of the last and the most difficult thing holding me back- the enablers of abuse aka my adults. I want to be free. And after this, I hope I am. 
Thank you all for sticking with me through this. I appreciate you more than you can ever know. ❤ 


sad 2

BLOOD.

He wrote his name in my blood
and you yelled at me for being hurt

Just 4 years old
I learnt the taste of his blow
before I could learn to write a eulogy
for all the dreams I used to have
and all the broken pieces of my spirit
scattered all over my own home

You told me to forgive him
Taught me how God’s good people give out chances
like free candy, I gave out my peace and dignity
letting him hurt me

And you said to love him more
I loved myself less and less

Every time I called you my best friend,
you brought him in to help tie me down
Because you could never figure out
just how to keep me close

The chains burned my ankles
You were not there to soothe me
And in my misery,
I ran to you each time you were hurt
by the same demons I begged you to lock up
All I wanted was to do something right,
for once in your life!

But you said I was just like him.
And I came back,
wounds still fresh
No band-aids left.

They say blood runs thicker than water;
well my blood fills up my lungs till there is no air left in them.
Then you bang on the door
Telling me to get up when I faint on the floor.

He has used me up
worn me out till it couldn’t ache anymore
He is
done
with me.
I hope you are ready

’cause now he wants you devoured,
beaten and broken down, just like me.

And here you are again
calling out my name
You are losing your mind,
but he has just begun.

Don’t you look through the glass door
My walls won’t let you inside anymore

I cannot keep looking after
your mistakes
and the mess you’ve made
My heart is still a little girl
I won’t let you overshadow her,
She needs me to hold her
to be what you never were

and it’s time for you,
to grow up.

“THE CIRCUS”

tightrope-artist-anke-classen

My baby, he took a fall
Walked right on up
to the tight rope of
their lies

And maybe it’s new for you
But I’ve lived in this circus
for my whole life

I’ve danced on glass,
Have been cut in half,
Burnt my tongue trying to speak up, but

The look in your eyes
pulled me back to the light,
So when you’re taking the fall
you know exactly who to call

And I’d be right there!

I promise you,
After the fight dies down
and we’ve figured it out;
We’ll take this show, to the road

With a bunch of magic tricks,
the acrobats glide, fireworks in the sky,
and the archers
never miss.

Trust me, right now its the same old shit on a different day
but my baby and I,

We’ll stay.


Wrote this in literally 10-15 minutes when I was feeling a lot of feelings :p Hope you like! ❤

“Home To Me”

So recently one of my closest people lost someone they loved a lot. This is for my best friend.


 

Dark room, smell of nothingness
The cold wind touches your face, the same way that love had once done

You’ve seen your light fade,
Slowly
Take a deep breath
You can break down
Oh, you won’t regret
it.

Everything you gave your heart to
left you broken on the side of the pavement
that you painted
with the colour of your love
And everything you had
is coming to its end;

But don’t you give up
don’t look down
not for a second, because

You have still got me
Right by your side
So when you’ve said your goodbyes
Baby, come home to me.

And when the sky is falling down
I’ll be your only cloud-
No promises of a perfect tomorrow-
But I’ll be holding you
safe from the sorrow

So baby, come home to me!

In the dead of the night,
Or when the stars start to shine,
Or when you can’t walk anymore,

Will you run home to me?

The long way home5380_rectangle
credits to owner

“The Road’s End”

black-and-white-dark-rain-79513

You walk with your head down
hands in your pockets
fidgeting around
for something to drown
out the noise that everyone is making.

Your mind is a clutter
like you, there’s no other
But all you can see is
the mess that you made in
the nonchalance of yesterday.

But darling, look up
look ahead to the beginning of tomorrow
You don’t need to run from your sorrows
I promised you
I’d be here to see it through

So here I am, looking at you!

The wonderful spark
from your eyes in the dark
the way you dissolve all the pain that you see
And people who touch you
Leave as joyous as me

Now you’re back alone at home
You look in the mirror,
tears down your cheeks
How did you make it out alive?

And when you speak, you stutter:
“Like me, there’s no other.”
You fought through the clouds,
searching for peace
Now the rainbows await you

Brace yourself, and come with me.


I cannot begin to tell you what it feels like, to be nearing the end of The Purge series, which was about overcoming the loudness of depression and anxiety and finding love for your own self. I never thought in my whole life that I would experience this, but Allah is great, Alhamdulillah. I thank every single person here who followed through my journey with past trauma and present mental illness. Your kind words have meant the world to me ❤ .