“The Road’s End”

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You walk with your head down
hands in your pockets
fidgeting around
for something to drown
out the noise that everyone is making.

Your mind is a clutter
like you, there’s no other
But all you can see is
the mess that you made in
the nonchalance of yesterday.

But darling, look up
look ahead to the beginning of tomorrow
You don’t need to run from your sorrows
I promised you
I’d be here to see it through

So here I am, looking at you!

The wonderful spark
from your eyes in the dark
the way you dissolve all the pain that you see
And people who touch you
Leave as joyous as me

Now you’re back alone at home
You look in the mirror,
tears down your cheeks
How did you make it out alive?

And when you speak, you stutter:
“Like me, there’s no other.”
You fought through the clouds,
searching for peace
Now the rainbows await you

Brace yourself, and come with me.


I cannot begin to tell you what it feels like, to be nearing the end of The Purge series, which was about overcoming the loudness of depression and anxiety and finding love for your own self. I never thought in my whole life that I would experience this, but Allah is great, Alhamdulillah. I thank every single person here who followed through my journey with past trauma and present mental illness. Your kind words have meant the world to me ❤ . 

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“TO THEM AND TO YOU”

My love will not be an apology:

-I-

It stands tall in the midst of your clenched teeth,
your hissing, snickering laughter
Thought I’d come after
your tantrums about how bad I am treating you.
How selfish,
As I wished
to die so you could live.

If stopping you means locking myself in your cage
I am ready.
To tame the hyena, all I need is a lion heart.
Even if it tears me apart,
I will not let you devour my love.

II

My love, this is not what we’re meant to be.

I will not fall for the games they try to play
I will find a way
for both of us to stay!
Just stay with me.

My love, my very best friend
If this were made to end
It would have fallen apart months ago.
I prayed to God to turn me cold
if this,
if this was made to end.

But me, I am as warm as the midsummer day
when I first learnt how you smell
as warm
as the safety of my palm, beneath your face
When you fell asleep in class

No, honey, this was made to last!
All the way to kingdom come.

I will build anew, 
I will not apologise for loving you.


Hey everyone. Depression is hard these days because circumstances. But I am holding on. I hope you all do too ❤
P.S. you are all welcome to read more of “The Purge Series”, here.

“We do.”

The more I try to run away, the more I spiral down
Treading on eggshells in the very city
where they took away my crown
I’m still unafraid, still terrified
Still clinging on to hope
Sometimes I’m pushed to wonder why
I couldn’t let it go
Why does this spirit never tire
of losing every battle it fights?
The victory comes slow, in small doses
Sometimes only once in a war.

What is the point of carrying your head high,
When there is no body left to hold it?
A dignified corpse;
A walking lost cause-
I am all the things I swore I never was.

And you return cold as ice, from the house they are burning down
The one we had built in a century:
In a single moment of complete and utter truth.

But they broke the windows with boulders made of hopelessness
Catapulting in like grenades;
And they took away our smiles
With the raging burning fire!
So now, we are left standing by.
We wonder how it turned you cold
While I got buried in its ashes.

They are stronger than us, I know
The monsters always are, that’s why we call them monsters.
But you and I, we have more power as one,
Than a thousand lost homes.
Or at least I hope we do.
Because God knows we have tried not to love each other.
But God knows,
We do.

Artist: Stoian Hitrov

“THE BEAST”

You taught me how to hate myself
when my soul did not recognise the icy breath
of self loathe on my neck
Ready to chew down my heart and let the blood splatter everywhere
Ready to drag me to a lonely forest where it would devour me whole
And God knows it almost did;
God knows, I almost let it.

I practised not trembling at the sight of you
For two whole years
And only then could I learn to smile with my teeth
Because you see, the absence of crippling fear does not equal happiness
And the fact that I’m not scared of you
Does not mean it won’t hurt when I lose

You talk, no, you bark like you can sniff a terrible secret about me
And you’re doing me a favour by not writing it all over the walls of this city
Well let me say this,
You are a beast that can never come close to uncovering me
To knowing that heart you broke a million times
A little girl with glistening eyes
You wanted to kill her spirit and God knows
you almost did. God knows I almost let you.
But I did not know what to do
When the rains came down and my lungs filled with water
but you said I was the one lightning up the skies
My thunder was too dangerous and I was told to shut it up!
Slow it down”
“Don’t be loud!”
“You’re pretending to be choking
Just drop the act and calm down”

Always one step ahead in knowing what I was
Well let me say this,
You are a beast but you will not devour me
My flesh was made with the spoils of war
My blood as bitter as a thousand corpses
My heart as warm as the scorching heat
Of the open battlefield
So if you ever even try
to come close to me

You will burn
And choke
And throw me up
Like a rotten tangerine

And I will watch
as your animal instincts turn you into the
monster you made me out to be

I am a child of starlight!
And you,
You are just a beast.


“The Purge” series, part 12.