Maybe you make messiahs out of people because you do not want to be the one responsible when the world comes crashing down, and you don’t want to be alone.
Maybe it is okay to not help but start welling up when someone speaks too loud; like each wave of vibration from their voice causes an earthquake inside your skin and bones.
Maybe it is fine to miss people who went back to Allah too soon. Maybe it is just selfishness to miss them if they were here you could ask them for help and advice but maybe that’s okay. Maybe some people are sent only to give you, and not to love you and stay.
But maybe you are stronger than you think. You chose the difficult roads with big rewards at the end. For instance, If I hadn’t moved to a different country, back to where I never felt like I belonged, away from my parents and my little sister and the long drives at night; then how would I have met my best friend who changed my life? How would I have learnt to handle everything on my own, from finances to health and education, to official government procedures to fit into this new place? How would I know how “Veronica Decides to Die” can lead to whispering to myself, “I want to fight on for the better things ahead.”
Maybe the heaps of love you have in your heart for other people, makes being tortured and alone and sick, all worth it? And maybe the time of sickness is now gone, maybe now is the time for the sun to come up? Maybe having a dark past is alright, because of all the light it gave birth to, inside your chest, that now ruminates everywhere… And people think it is your smile that’s contagious.
Maybe it is okay to put flowers in your hair, because who cares if you world came tumbling down yesterday, let’s just sit and breathe the evening air and feel good. Because man, are you a badass! Maybe your hands tremble, maybe you cannot speak, or breathe or stand up sometimes; but hasn’t the frequency of such episodes decreased?
And maybe it is okay to be a tad bit super proud of yourself, for all that you’ve accomplished. Because
maybe no one else could have done it like you.